Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
