If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
