I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
