I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
