I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
