I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
