Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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