just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
