Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it because I queefed?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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