So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
