so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
