I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
