This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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