Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
