Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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