So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
