i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
