I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
