We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
