Apparently you make a good broom.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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