it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she smelled like a LAN party
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
