one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
