the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
