Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
