I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
