dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
