My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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