he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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