There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
