Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm at about main and main street
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
