the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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