when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
not ubering you a puppy
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