New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
