At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
