I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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