Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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