she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
