I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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