i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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