I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
