When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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