Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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