I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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