If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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