remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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