I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
