okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
