I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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