I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My life is pants optional.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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