Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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